Complications...

Okay so everything has got a little complicated in my life now...

Well...

I met someone....I now have a boyfriend. He's a great guy and we get on really well but for the time we have been together I've been having doubts. I've been thinking a lot about my ex and what could have been and what I wish would be. It made me doubt whether I wanted to be in a relationship in general because if I can't stop thinking about my ex then it isn't really fair on a new boyfriend is it?!

And then....to complicate things further...

I got very upset one day thinking about the ex and sent him a very detailed text about the way I felt about him and how I was upset that he had found someone else and didn't want me anymore. I didn't expect a reply but I got one and it suprised me. He said he was confused about what he wanted now. Because HE STILL LOVED ME but didn't want to hurt his girlfriend. AND THEN he broke up with her and I got a text off him asking if we could talk. So I ran home to talk to him and he told me they had broke it off because it just didn't feel right. AND THEN he asked me to go and see him. I'm going to Middlesbrough tomorrow to see him! I don't know what to expect to be honest. Usually if I tell him how I feel he goes weird but now he hasn't so I don't know what to think! It's the first time I've told him this and he's asked to see me! I mean he hasn't even mentioned the texts to me yet...it was through a friend I found out that he had been talking about it. So I'm not sure what is going to happen. However...I do know one thing...I'm not going to let him use me so if he's expecting...erm...'THAT'....then he's not getting it! No chance! I love him soo much and I want all of him...not just a part every now and again.

Oh my god I've hurt so much over the past 5-6 months...missing him hurts more everyday! I've loved him for 5 years and it never hurts less...just even more every single day! Those people that tell you that it gets better are liars! It doesn't if you truely love the guy! I'm just not myself without him! It's like a part of me is missing...

Well...I'm hoping everthing goes well tomorrow! I've been panicking trying to sort outfits so I look good. I want him to see what he's missing not see the reason why he's not with me. I mean obviously I know that he didn't finish me because of that but its just there...on my mind...eating away at me.

So...I'm going to finish watching Bridget Jones and chillax =]

But I'll leave you with this...

''If I'm meant to be who I am...and who I am is lost...then who am I?''